It begins. I am quite convicted about this, knowing I need to do it, and very aware of how sinful my tongue has been in the past. Which is logical, given that "counsel in the heart of man is like deep waters, but a man of understanding will draw it out." I know that in me lies nothing good, save Christ. And all this talk sounds very honourable when I type it out here, but... I want to be honorable where it counts. In my home, in my marriage.
"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." -- Proverbs 14:1
I know I have been tearing my own house down lately. But beating myself up over it is not the answer. I cannot change the past. I can, however, allow God to pour some of his Holy Light all over my heart and soul and "show me my secret sins," as the Psalmist plead in Psalm 19 verse 12. "Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults." (KJV) The NLT renders it, "How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults."
Yes, only God can do the work of cleaning and redemption. But there is something to be said for praying that (almost scary at first, yet much needed) prayer: LORD, show me what I need to confess in my life! Show me what is keeping me from close fellowship with you!! I don't want to do it "Kim's way" anymore! Trying to manage life in my own strength has lead to nothing but failure, and God is lovingly allowing that to happen to gently make a point-- if I continue to insist on going my own way, I am headed for failure and destruction.
Ooh, it was bone-chilling what Annaliese said today about that woman who intended to commit suicide by pointing a gun to her head, but at the last second a voice told her, "point it at your heart" and she did that instead, and pulled the trigger. Then she describes seeing hell and heaven before being given a second chance at life. Apparently the first responders declared her dead, beyond resuscitation; meanwhile she was (taken to?) shown a place utterly devoid of all that we consider good. And she was aware that goodness existed but that she could never have it due to her separation. How tormenting!
According to Annaliese the rest of the story is that the woman was also shown heaven and all things good and peaceful and true & then was taken to the ER because she started coming back to life after having been declared medically dead.
We briefly talked about labels, how dangerous they are in the psych community. How a secular psychiatrist was labeled "depressed" and et cetera and drugged up for years until she finally went off her medications of her own accord and realized she was perfectly fine. But she had believed the lie the whole time that she was depressed and therefore in need of all sorts of drugs. Which were leading her down a sad path of feeling worse and worse. Now, I'm not saying everyone should go off of all of their medication all at once but that's really powerful to consider... how much we tend to fulfill prophesies made over us.
Which brings me back to my original topic-- the power of words to build each other up in love (see Ephesians 4:29) or to tear one another down; to bless or to curse. It's up to me now, what will I choose?
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