30 day challenge

It begins. I am quite convicted about this, knowing I need to do it, and very aware of how sinful my tongue has been in the past. Which is logical, given that "counsel in the heart of man is like deep waters, but a man of understanding will draw it out." I know that in me lies nothing good, save Christ. And all this talk sounds very honourable when I type it out here, but... I want to be honorable where it counts. In my home, in my marriage.

"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." -- Proverbs 14:1

I know I have been tearing my own house down lately. But beating myself up over it is not the answer. I cannot change the past. I can, however, allow God to pour some of his Holy Light all over my heart and soul and "show me my secret sins," as the Psalmist plead in Psalm 19 verse 12. "Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults." (KJV) The NLT renders it, "How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults."

Yes, only God can do the work of cleaning and redemption. But there is something to be said for praying that (almost scary at first, yet much needed) prayer: LORD, show me what I need to confess in my life! Show me what is keeping me from close fellowship with you!! I don't want to do it "Kim's way" anymore! Trying to manage life in my own strength has lead to nothing but failure, and God is lovingly allowing that to happen to gently make a point-- if I continue to insist on going my own way, I am headed for failure and destruction.

Ooh, it was bone-chilling what Annaliese said today about that woman who intended to commit suicide by pointing a gun to her head, but at the last second a voice told her, "point it at your heart" and she did that instead, and pulled the trigger. Then she describes seeing hell and heaven before being given a second chance at life. Apparently the first responders declared her dead, beyond resuscitation; meanwhile she was (taken to?) shown a place utterly devoid of all that we consider good. And she was aware that goodness existed but that she could never have it due to her separation. How tormenting!

According to Annaliese the rest of the story is that the woman was also shown heaven and all things good and peaceful and true & then was taken to the ER because she started coming back to life after having been declared medically dead.

We briefly talked about labels, how dangerous they are in the psych community. How a secular psychiatrist was labeled "depressed" and et cetera and drugged up for years until she finally went off her medications of her own accord and realized she was perfectly fine. But she had believed the lie the whole time that she was depressed and therefore in need of all sorts of drugs. Which were leading her down a sad path of feeling worse and worse. Now, I'm not saying everyone should go off of all of their medication all at once but that's really powerful to consider... how much we tend to fulfill prophesies made over us.

Which brings me back to my original topic-- the power of words to build each other up in love (see Ephesians 4:29) or to tear one another down; to bless or to curse. It's up to me now, what will I choose?

Just do it.
Get in the word. Get in the word. Get in the word. Get in the word! My exhortation to others to get in the word does not constitute me actually reading the word. Yet it is critical to staying alive spiritually. For it is written, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God." When we quiet down our minds and hearts (whether by prayer, fasting, or both), we make room for the vox Dei, that is, the voice of God. And my words are so feeble and pathetic in light of who He is. So I will be quiet. And let him speak.

Back in MN somehow. Not sure about any of this. Crashed last night. So tired. Really glad I got to sit next to that guy on the plane yesterday, Jake, with whom I had a really engaging conversation about faith. He was interviewing for Company X. So we started talking about that. Never actually spoke to a Mormon before (other than the ones knocking on the door...) interesting to hear his questions and thoughts about life/teaching. And to be given the chance to share some of has been revealed to me, in terms of |T|. We chatted about learning ancient Greek and Hebrew. He's got a family to lead. A wife and a young daughter. I wish them all the best. I was so glad to come home to Brandon. The conversation with Jake only made me love Brandon more, somehow. For which I am grateful. So glad Brandon knows is "on the level," so to speak, and I love him. It's so cool what B and I share.

It's nice to see the cats again. They are shedding like crazy. I think I might just put a blanket on top of the bed during the day for them to ruin and then we can take it off at night and sleep without having to "defurminate" the bedspread.  Or die from allergens everywhere. Poor cats. We've never been away from them for that long. At least they were well-taken care of. HAHA. By two cat sitters who were unaware of each other. Well, that is, right up until the end. When the poor girl was sitting there and suddenly two random guys opened the door also thinking they were there to take care of the cats. Bahahhaa. I can only imagine the awkwardness. Hilarious.

Actually, we do love our friends and have since reassured them of the fact. They seem to have forgiven us. I guess that's the positive of finding cat-sitters who are also 'on the level.' ;)

Ugh, I do NOT want to go to work. Keep reminding myself that I did really want this job and do like it most of the time and it's probably the least demanding most optimal occupation in the world right now. I feel like my freedom is imposed upon whenever I am obliged to show up somewhere at a given time with an expected attitude of service. BUT then I realize I've quit everything before (jobs, higher education) and true freedom is choosing to stick with it. Otherwise I become a prisoner of Kim's Own Moods and Desires which is a living hell.

Okay I don't know, my back hurts and I gotta get ready for work. We'll leave it at that for now. Ciao!

True.

The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.   1 John 2:17           

The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
 Romans 6:23

Jesus said, "God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."   John 3:16

This is the testimony:  God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.  He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the  Son of God does not have life.  1 John 5:11-12

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?"
John 11:25-26

Jesus said, "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life."  John 3:36

Having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.
Titus 3:7

Jesus said, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.  I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand.''  John 10:27-29

Jesus said, "This is eternal life:  that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."  John 17:3

Hebrews 4:12

yeah, you could read hebrews 4:12 in any number of good translations. in fact, i encourage you to. but it's always best to go straight to the source isn't it? rather than watered-down? click the image to see the real text of hebrews 4:12. enjoy, because i enjoyed putting it together for you to read.

kickin' it

chillin on the couch with mrs. katie  & mr. scott  and mr. brandon. it's fantastic. this is the best thanksgiving eve i can recall and i don't like torchwood in the least. i love these past few weekends with getting to know tiffany. it's fantastic. and chatting with heath on deeper levels than previously imagined. c'est magnifique. can't wait to wake up tomorrow with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart...

Great is your glory 
you go before me.

It's always been you leading me on, singing to me through burning sunsets, beckoning me west. The night was so alluring through my bedroom window. How I longed to gaze upon your countenance. But no one could see your face and live. A cool evening saturated with delight and when I breathe it in, I feel like it's Christmas Eve. Azure sky, serene; enticing, shot through with tiny stars. Illuminate everything. Light up the sky the way you do, it drives me crazy and I love it. Take me into the beautiful where the faces glow with the light that never dims.